


Why Is It You?

by tbvwritings



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Lesbophobia, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29226828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbvwritings/pseuds/tbvwritings
Summary: @twiceblackvelvet on tumblr.
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	Why Is It You?

Heejin understands the concept of soulmates. After all, she has watched plenty of romantic-comedies in her time to know how the story goes. Boy meets girl and girl falls in love. The boy can’t believe his luck, they get married and start a family together. They live happily ever after. It’s an age-old tale that always tugs at her heartstrings. Whenever there’s a movie night within the dorm, she will often recommend the sappiest kind possible. However, everyone else grew tired of the same storyline repeated but with different faces. As Haseul had politely put it, her right to pick had been revoked. Instead, she rests easily in her bed late at night, watching them on her phone. Though, she’s never alone. 

Sharing a bed with Hyunjin started very early into the two moving into the dorm. “I’m scared of the dark” is how it began. Hyunjin and her big, dark eyes could bore into your soul with a single glance, and Heejin can’t help but give in to her. While everyone else is either snoring or too busy scrolling through their phone to care. She creeps into Heejin’s room, and they share snacks while watching any film Heejin wants. Hyunjin doesn’t mind the cheesy lines and kissing scenes. Because when Heejin does finally drift off to sleep, she imagines the pair of them in the very same film-scenes, except they aren’t acting. 

Hyunjin has tried many times over to make her intentions clear. But, Heejin seemingly walks around blindfolded as everyone else has managed to put the pieces together, except her. If there were an award for the most oblivious person in the world, Heejin would be the definitive winner. The rest of the girls even put together a plan for Hyunjin to reveal her feelings once-upon-a-time. However, Heejin mistakenly thought that when Hyunjin spluttered out the words, I love you... she had meant it in a friendly manner. 

Eventually, they all gave up trying to help Hyunjin get over her fear of asking Heejin to be her girlfriend straight up. The advice being given that if something is meant to be, as Hyunjin feels it is, then it will happen when she least expects it to happen. The waiting is unbearable, though. All she wants is to be able to hold Heejin’s hand when they lay together without her thinking they are just best friends. She desperately wishes to know what kissing Heejin feels like. Are her lips soft? Do they taste like her chapstick? Would she feel the spark that the movies claim happens? She needs to know. 

It’s no different from any other night between them. Heejin with the duvet up to her neck, phone in hand underneath it, and only one headphone in her ear as she waits for Hyunjin to join her. The bed is surprisingly cold without her presence. Heejin briefly thinks about how she misses her arms around her waist. But as quickly as the thought enters her head, she erases it. 

Hyunjin paces back and forth maniacally on the other side of the door. The nails on her thumbs both down to the skin from biting them anxiously. “Tonight is the night,” she whispers to herself before hesitantly opening the door. 

"There you are. Come on, it's cold in here without you," Heejin says, excitedly. Hyunjin can feel the beating of her heart pick up speed inside her chest. Something about knowing Heejin had been waiting for her to join makes her excited. "Hello? Earth to Hyunjin! Are you getting into bed or what?" 

Hyunjin rocks back and forth on the heels of her feet. Outside of the room, she wasn't nervous at all. But, seeing Heejin here, bare-faced and unaware of how perfect she looks, it's hard not to feel scared. She rubs her palms on her pajamas to get rid of the sweat between her fingers. Her feet make small steps toward the bed where Heejin is lying. However, instead of climbing under the duvet beside her, as she usually would. She sits at the bottom of the bed with an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

"What's wrong?" Heejin asks, worry evident in her voice. She pauses the movie she's watching and sits up straight. 

Trying her best to focus on anything other than Heejin's confused face, Hyunjin heaves a deep sigh before standing to turn on the lamp on the bedside table. She sits closer to Heejin this time around and asks for her hand to hold. Heejin offers it instantly and rubs her thumb along the back of her hand reassuringly. It’s distracting more than anything. 

"I have to tell you something, but... I want you to hear me this time." Hyunjin's words are slow and cautious. Heejin continues to hold her hand tightly. "I know that this will change some things between us, but I can't go on with this anymore." 

Heejin doesn't speak. Her mouth rests in a straight line while her eyes remain on Hyunjin's face watching her expressions change as she continues to talk. Hyunjin knows she has her full attention, and that is scarier than anything else.

"You remember when I told you that I loved you that day we made food for the others together?" Heejin nods, understanding and recalling the day that Hyunjin is referring to. "Well, you thought I meant I love you, as my friend. Which... I do. But..." 

Hyunjin pauses and closes her eyes shut. The wall beside Heejin that she has been looking at instead of her is taunting her inside her head. Her breathing becomes unsteady, hitching every few seconds, and her skin grows cold. Heejin pushes herself forward on the bed and wraps her arms around her neck in a gentle hug. 

The two don't exchange any other words in the embrace, and they remain glued there for several minutes until Hyunjin eventually removes Heejin's arms from around her. Her cheeks are damp from a few tears escaping from her eyes, and the flushed red look of her skin hasn't disappeared. Nor does she believe it ever will when Heejin wipes her tears with the same thumb she rubbed across the back of her hand. 

"Please, Heejin. I just have to tell you this." Hyunjin says while pushing Heejin's hands away from her face. "I love you, like how those two love each other." She says while pointing at the long since discarded phone resting on the pillow. 

Heejin turns to look at what she's pointing at. However, when she realizes, she doesn't turn her head back toward Hyunjin. She's stuck there, and her body won't let her look at her. The bed shifts slightly, and then the door closes quietly, as Hyunjin escapes to her room. Heejin can feel a tightness, almost pressure, inside of her chest as she figures out what Hyunjin had just admitted to. 

"This can't be real," Heejin thinks. "She can't be in love with me... we're both... girls." 

The following morning at breakfast is awkward, to say the least. The tension within the kitchen as everyone sits down to eat the preferred first meal of the day could be cut with a knife. Haseul, Sooyoung, and Yeojin sit quietly in one corner, discussing something in hushed voices. Hyunjin is seated beside their gathering, though not participating in their conversation. While Jiwoo, Chaewon, and Yerim pick at some fruit at the dining table. The rest of the girls are busy hovering around Hyejoo as she carefully turns on the stove, likely, making fun of her. 

Heejin enters slowly, not sure of where to place herself. Usually, she would sit beside Hyunjin and joke about how she will turn into a piece of fruit one of these days since she eats it that often. The seat beside her today is taken. But even if it wasn't occupied, Heejin doubts she would be welcome. She instead joins in watching Hyejoo attempt to cook, though she struggles to focus on anything other than Hyunjin and last night.

The rest of the girls leave the kitchen area one by one to get on with their day. Some of them have schedules, others have booked in practice time. However, Haseul remains seated in the corner while Heejin finishes up her breakfast. They don't speak, neither knowing what to say. But, Heejin gathers that Hyunjin has told her about what had happened between them. All of the girls go to Haseul when a problem arises. She can’t imagine that this would be any different. 

"Look, I-"

"Heejin, can we-" 

The pair try to speak at the same moment. Heejin nods slowly to allow Haseul to speak her mind first. She hopes beyond hope that Haseul has even the smallest bit of wisdom for her, if only so her head will stop pulsating. 

"What happened between you two?" Haseul asks. 

"You mean she didn't tell you?" Haseul shakes her head no, and Heejin sighs softly. "She... She told me that she loves me." 

Haseul grins wide, proud of Hyunjin for doing so, though, when she sees that Heejin isn't sharing her enthusiasm, her smile drops. She moves to a seat closer to Heejin and patiently waits for her to continue. 

"She loves me, like how couples love each other." Heejin's voice is shaky and unsure as she reveals it all while trying to wrap her head around it herself. "But, we're girls... she can't love me. I can't love her... Can I?" she questions. 

The two sit in silence briefly, Haseul unsure of whether the question required an answer or not. But when Heejin doesn't continue, she decides to offer her a response.

"Love is not something you can pick and choose, Heejin. You love who you love, and that can be anyone. Your heart has control here, not your head." Haseul stands, places her hand on Heejin's shoulder comfortingly, and leaves her to ponder her words. 

It's almost an hour later when Heejin finally leaves the kitchen. The cup of coffee she had poured herself untouched but cold. She pours it down the sink and retreats to her bedroom. Hiding her body beneath the duvet, she slowly slips into a nap that lasts for several hours longer than intended. The shouts for her to wake up for lunch are ignored in favor of sleeping the day away. 

It's late when Heejin rises from her slumber. Her head feels as though it has been hit by ten buses one after the other. The clarity she had hoped to gain nowhere to be seen. Instead, her head feels even fuzzier than before somehow. 

The same phone she uses to watch those cheesy romance films rests beside her on the mattress. She unlocks it and opens up the browser. The search option is found, and she tries her best to look for anything relating to their situation. A few articles pop-up about same-sex-dating, but she ignores those in favor of a video. The still-frame shows two women kissing one another. It makes her uncomfortable momentarily, but she presses play regardless. 

They discuss their relationship, how they met, where they had their first date, all of it. Both girls' eyes light up whenever they recall specific moments or whenever their legs brush against one another. They're happy and excited to share their life with others. Heejin can feel pressure in her chest similar to what she had felt when she realized what Hyunjin meant. This time, it isn't as scary. It's warm and inviting. So much so, she doesn’t feel the tears slowly slide down her face as she listens to them enthusiastically share the news they are engaged.

Heejin closes the video as it ends and sits at the edge of her bed. All of the movies make it seem like the two soulmates have naturally fallen in love with each other. They look at one another with bright eyes, and their smiles are contagious. She wonders if that's how people see her and Hyunjin. If when they look at them, they see two people who are meant to be together. 

She does love Hyunjin. Of course, she does. Who wouldn't? But, whenever she has contemplated her future, she has always pictured herself marrying a man, settling down with him, and being happy. Even so, she can't help but consider Haseul's words, that her head doesn't get to decide. Whatever she has seen inside of her mind doesn't matter. Because her heart has to find the right one to love. 

Her fingers tap on the screen typing out a text message, though, she erases it several times over to begin again. Finally, she settles on asking Hyunjin to join her tonight, despite everything. Hyunjin doesn't respond, though, she expected that to happen.

The movie of choice tonight is an action-thriller. Yerim and Chaewon believe it's the film of the year. Everyone else thinks they're only interested in one of the actors playing a supporting role. It's about twenty minutes and double that amount of explosions later when Heejin leaves them to it. Haseul offers a quick smile and mouths "good luck" before turning back to the television screen, though her eyes flick toward Hyunjin now and then. Her expression is one of confusion and mildly upset. But it isn't long before she too stands and leaves the room. 

Once more, Heejin's bedroom door opens slowly. From the small crack, she knows already that it is indeed Hyunjin. The way her fingers grasp onto the door, the way she hesitantly steps foot inside, the way her eyes glimmer under the bedroom light. Her skin glows, despite the clear sadness on her face. Then it hits her. 

All this time, whenever Hyunjin would sneak into her room, she had been telling herself that she just felt sorry for her friend. Truly believing that she was scared of the dark and needed to be beside her to rest. But, what she refused to allow herself to think was that she needed her here to feel safe too. She needed Hyunjin beside her, in what she has called their bed for months, to be able to sleep herself, peacefully. 

Maybe, just maybe... her heart had chosen for her all those months ago, without her realizing it. Perhaps instead of visualizing her future with a man, she was only hiding away what she has now come to figure out. The pressure rises again in her chest as Hyunjin stands before her, beautiful as ever, and waiting for her… The woman she loves, and who may just love her back all the same.

"Hyunjin... I have something I need to tell you."

**Author's Note:**

> @twiceblackvelvet on tumblr.


End file.
